And Just Like That

This week one of my favorite shows launched a reboot. Sex and the City used to end every episode with those iconic words – And just like that.

Through the years I have said those words – or a variation of them including “Well that just happened.” I received a phone call yesterday telling me that someone from my life had passed away and since I had just watched the new SATC episode, the words came to mind unbidden.

I have been flooded with feelings since I got the news. Not about the passing — because those feelings died long ago — but more about the feelings that I struggled to come to terms with during our time together. I remembered the humiliation that I had allowed myself to be enthralled by a sociopath. I remember the shame of lying to my friends because I couldn’t tell them the truth of my life. I remember the loneliness and isolation I felt for almost a decade.

Harder to remember is the surge of strength and confidence I felt when I rented an apartment and told him I was leaving. The power I felt when I reclaimed my friendships and began to make life decisions for myself. The relief that almost took my breath away when the judge answered my question by telling me I had always been free.

It has been ten years since I made the decision to walk away. During that time I have gone from the feelings being a weight around my ankles, dragging me to the bottom of the ocean to a balloon carrying me away like the character in Up. Until the phone call yesterday the baggage of that relationship had finally become manageable – not even overhead compartment, but under the seat in front of me baggage.

And just like that it’s a roller bag that needs to be checked.